Fairy Tale Creatures And The Lies We Tell

Recently a discussion came up on my online mother’s group about Father Christmas. One of the Mums had picked up her 5 year old son from a playdate only to find that he’d informed his playmate that Santa didn’t exist, and in return had copped a beating. Her son has from day one been told that the jolly fat man isn’t real, his playmate had been brought up being told that he very much existed, and his response to the differing opinion was to lash out.

It’s made me think about the myths and legends that develop in childhood, and how to approach them with the boys.

My Mum was a little funny on the whole Santa thing. She didn’t like the idea of teaching us that a strange bearded man comes into our room once a year and leaves presents, and although she let us visit “Santa’s Grotto” (an English tradition, usually a gingerbread house or huge Christmas tree shaped structure surrounded by elves and set up in the centre of town or a shopping centre, you’d hand over your couple of quid and in return got to queue for half an hour, sit on the fat man’s lap, put in your requests for Christmas and pull a toy out of the lucky dip box, they didn’t do photos 15 years ago, but that’s probably changed now) it was always teamed with a discussion about how we don’t go up to strangers normally, sit on their lap and accept sweeties and gifts from them.

As we got to talking about it once I had kids I found that a lot of it was resentment. My mum was a single woman raising four children, there was no way she was letting some bloke from The North Pole take all the credit for how hard she worked to give us the Christmas she felt we deserved.

The alternate Christmases spent with my Dad was another matter. He was (and still is) a big kid, he delighted in the magic of Christmas. He once spent hours cutting strips of wrapping paper so that he could wrap the lilac coloured bike Santa left for me when I was about five, he didn’t just throw a sheet over it, he wrapped the handlebars, the pedals and every single wheel spoke. I clearly remember faking my belief in Father Christmas for years past when I knew the truth simply to foster the magic that surrounded Christmas for him. I remember thinking to myself that I couldn’t let him know that I knew in case it ruined his Christmas.

Of course these two completely opposing views have had an affect on my thoughts on the Santa fable and how to deal with it with the boys. It’s not something that’s really come up before this year, but Declan is coming home from preschool talking about Santa bringing presents and for the first time has an awareness of the holiday and of St. Nick.

So, with my kids, this is how Father Christmas will be operating:

• - Santa brings a stocking and one large present, the remaining gifts are from Dan and I (other family aren’t an issue at this point as I’m fairly adamant about spending Christmas morning with just the four of us).
• - I will happily foster and encourage the magic and excitement of Father Christmas, we leave homemade honeycomb and milk out for him and a carrot for Rudolf, have a “Santa Key” left on our doorstep for him to allow him access to our chimneyless house.
• - I don’t intend on visiting Santa or doing the photo thing unless Declan (or Connor when he’s old enough) requests it. Whether I’d buy the resulting photos is still out for debate – I’m not too keen on the idea of paying $30 for the privilege of having a photo of my kids sitting on the lap of a complete stranger.
• - If (when) the question comes up, I will be prepared to tell them that no, he isn’t real – if they ask a direct question I wouldn’t feel comfortable lying to my kids. At the same time will take care to remind them to keep the magic and spirit for other children and their younger siblings.

Of course, this is all theoretical right now – give me a couple of years and the first time I hear the dreaded “but Jack at school said Santa wasn’t real!” and we’ll see how I do!

As for the mother in my mum’s group. As far as I’m concerned, both little boys were in the wrong. Her son should be aware of other children’s feelings on the matter and not be a smart arse about it, and I think explaining that should be part of letting your kid in on the secret. But his friend had no right to react in such a violent way, and needs to be taught that there’s a right and a wrong way to deal with beliefs that differ from his own.

Of course, both of these are fairly advanced concepts for a five year old to take on board, so whilst it may sound wonderful in theory, the reality might be another matter all together.

Does Santa visit your home? If he does how do you intend on dealing with the inevitable questions that will eventually arise?

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