Robyn Jade

I keep on trying to write this post, and it’s either too short and clinical, or too long and I can’t emotionally bring myself to finish it.

Our very unexpected baby died in utero in the early hours of the morning on February the 19th, at spot on 36 weeks gestation. I was induced that afternoon and delivered a baby girl weighing 6lbs 13oz and 50cm long at 3:15pm. We named her Robyn.

There’s currently no rhyme or reason for what happened, although initial testing did pick up an infection in the placenta, it’s too early to determine if that is the cause, we have an appointment on the 16th of April to hear the full post mortem results.

It’s now been just over a week and both Dan and I have run through every emotion you could possibly imagine. I am focusing on the positives, I already have two beautiful sons, we’re lucky enough to not have any fertility issues, and I have my health (physical at least, mental is still up for debate).

The funeral is on Monday afternoon. I’m both dreading it and looking forward to the closure that I hope it might begin to give us. I’m still in shock more than anything, this just wasn’t something I was prepared for in any way.

The next few months will probably be talking about what’s happened a fair bit, I also want to write up a birth story, and, when I feel able enough to move them off the camera, I will be posting some photos of her. I know this is a sensitive topic, so I wanted to give some prior warning so that those who felt too uncomfortable could avoid the blog for a while, or take me off their reader.