My first appointment with the psychologist was amazing, I walked out of his office feeling about fifty pounds lighter. There was no lying on the couch discussing my parent’s failings, there was no awkward silence as I flounder around trying to work out what to say.
We sat at his desk, drank a cup of tea and he told me that it’s okay to be really fucking angry the hand I have been dealt.
We laughed, a lot, I had this vision of me spending an hour sobbing, but he only made me cry once. We laughed over pretty much anything, we discussed how much last minute changes wind us up. How when you’re set up to have toast for breakfast, but the bread is mouldy, so you have to have cereal… how it throws you for the rest of the day, you’re pissed off about the last minute changes, finding it hard to focus and next thing you know you don’t know what to have for lunch.
We talked about my issues with transitions, he asked me how I’d gone through this particular transition. He said it better than I ever could, my baby died… and now I don’t know what to have for lunch.
Most importantly he told me I was normal. That the anger, the sadness, the guilt, the resentment, they were all normal.
I wish I’d have done it months ago.
Glad it went so well Fern. xx
I’m so happy that you have found someone who can help you with your pain and loss Fern. You are an amazing woman!
xxx
I am so glad you walked out of there lighter. Lighter is good.
xx
.-= Veronica´s last blog ..Welcome to the InterWebs Part 3 =-.
Good for you, Fern — and fantastic that he sounds like the perfect bloke for you to be seeing. I so love that analogy — that is EXACTLY what it’s like.
.-= Toni´s last blog ..fourteen years…. =-.
I’m so happy for you Fern. And even if you didn’t do it months ago at least you didn’t wait until months from now to do it xx
i had my fingers crossed that you would find a therapist that you could gel with… nothing worse than going in and feeling like you’re not able to be totally frank about whats going on in your head!
((hugs)) so proud of you!
.-= charm´s last blog ..OMG! Its May already! =-.
*hug* so glad that it went well, he really does sound like the perfect guy to help you out atm
.-= Laura´s last blog ..XXXII =-.
It is amazing isn’t it? Nothing like what you think.
I am so happy that you have found a good one.
.-= Kelley @ Magnetoboldtoo´s last blog ..Movie night =-.
He sounds wonderful.
I am so happy you found him.
.-= WarsawMommy´s last blog ..I Am Picking Flowers For My Mom, Dammit =-.
I’m glad you have someone to talk to that can help ease the burden.
.-= Wanderlust´s last blog ..The truths we can and cannot bear =-.
I am so glad that it went so well! I hope that this continues to be a good thing for you!
Glad it went well Fern. Hope you are going okay. I can only imagine what sort of up and down emotional ride you must be on.
.-= PlanningQueen´s last blog ..Tips For Visiting The Art Gallery With Kids =-.
Hi Fern – it’s so cool that you found the right fit. I’ve heard that makes all the difference.
Hey, would you mind shooting me an email? Just wanted to connect. Thanks!
Kate
.-= sweetsalty kate´s last blog ..resurrection, his and mine =-.
I can’t comment on your most recent post, the permalink gives me a 502 bad gateway error. (No idea what that is).
I think losing a child, it defines a new normal for people. And this is just me, looking in from the outside, not having gone through that heartbreak. And I think a new normal is okay and it takes a while to be able to smile about things and not have them be bittersweet, because YES, you should have been buying purple clothes in 00 and you should be showing us all gorgeous photos of your rolling over daughter. That’s what should have happened and it didn’t and it’s shit.
So if you don’t post about Connor walking (YAY!) that’s okay, because it’s a bittersweet milestone.
And really, I’ve got no idea if I’m helping, commenting on the wrong post and everything. Feel free to tell me to shut up if I’ve said something wrong too.
Thinking of you, often.