Robyn
I Don’t Heart My Body
There. I said it. There’s been a swag of posts over the weekend based around the “I Heart My Body” theme on We Heart Life and it’s one that I just can’t join in with. I have never loved my body, but I haven’t always hated it either. I was a size ten seventeen year … Continue reading
Bring On The Lulz
I am completely in LOVE with this blog post from Jess discussing the death of her daughter, Iris, and the following comments from other babylost parents. A relative brought a gift for me. A lovely, well-meaning, slightly misguided gift. Iris scented soap-on-a-rope. Because who wouldn’t wash their armpits with sweet babylost memories? We laughed. Because what … Continue reading
Only Words
Last week I bit the bullet and got a referral from our GP to go and speak to a Psychologist. He gave me a referral to who I had requested (Declan’s pysch, who announces on his card that he “does big kids too!”), but not before making me do the dreaded “How Close Are You … Continue reading
Since Robyn
It’s never “since Robyn’s birth”, “since I had Robyn” or “since Robyn’s death”. It’s always just “since Robyn”. I think everyone waited for me to crack. They all waited for the breakdown, and instead I picked myself up every morning and went out of my way to be okay. They all told me how proud … Continue reading
Relief.
I have nothing but good news from the autopsy meeting. They found a very aggressive infection in her lungs from the amniotic fluid. They have no idea where in infection came from, why it sprung up despite the anti-bs and most strangely, why it wasn’t picked up on any of the checks. They took blood … Continue reading
Tick. Tock.
10 hours until Dan and I head into the hospital for my post-natal check up and to discuss the results from Robyn’s autopsy. Dan’s gone to bed early. Me, myself and I don’t tend to make for a very stable mental state. I hate being alone at the best of times, when I’m nervous about … Continue reading
The Voices Inside My Computer
The internet plays a big part in my life, I met Dan way back when through our respective blogs (although back in the dark ages they were still called “online journals”), most of our family income in generated through our sites and connections we make online, and, as sad as it may seem to most … Continue reading
Bunnies.
Today I made bunnies for Declan and Conman. We went to the playground with the boys. I watched the families around us, the brothers and sisters interacting with one another, I got jealous of the large families, which quickly turned to bitterness as I sat there and tried to work out what I’d done wrong … Continue reading
One Month Down
Yesterday was my due date, the magical 40 week mark that I still have yet to hit with any of my pregnancies, it also marked one month since Robyns birth and death. I guess that officially that should be death and birth, death came before birth for her, which is just an odd concept to … Continue reading
In Waiting
My not so strict internet ban is working well. I’m focusing on my home, on the kids, and on a hell of a lot of sewing. I feel much better mentally not having unavoidable reminders of Robyn, babies or pregnancy, although I am missing mummy blogs, but at the same time I’ve found some wonderful … Continue reading
