Relief.

I have nothing but good news from the autopsy meeting.

They found a very aggressive infection in her lungs from the amniotic fluid. They have no idea where in infection came from, why it sprung up despite the anti-bs and most strangely, why it wasn’t picked up on any of the checks. They took blood and swabs when I was first admitted which were all absolutely fine. They did the same after her death and found the infection on the vaginal swabs, and my white blood cell count had doubled in a matter of hours. What’s odd is that at no point did I even develop a temperature or feel unwell. Her heart rate and mine were always steady, there was just nothing that could have clued anyone in.

Everything else came back in the clear, there were no chromosomal or genetic issues and all of her organs were perfectly formed.

Basically it just boils down to some really bad luck, which is pretty much the best outcome we could have hoped for. We won’t be wondering what happened forever, and we know that there are no issues with having another baby as it’s so unlikely to be repeated. The whole thing feels like this beautiful light in the pit of darkness that I feel like I’ve been living in for the last two months.

In the process of genetic testing it was discovered that I have a gene issue called Factor V, it puts me at a higher risk for blood clots, meaning I can’t go on the normal contraceptive pill, and also need to be aware of miscarriages, so finding out that is another positive thing to take from all this.

As for my next pregnancy, before we even start trying to conceive I will have a series of blood tests and swabs done and will possibly be taking aspirin to thin my blood. Once I am pregnant I will be seen at the hospital straight away (instead of GP care up until 20 weeks) and will then have regular testing to monitor for infections. Once the PPROM kicks in (which after 3 times is pretty much guaranteed now) causing my waters break, and assuming it’s after 30 weeks gestation, I will be induced immediately.

It was awesome to go back and see the doctors and midwives that helped me so much and I feel very happy and positive about everything we spoke about, I couldn’t have asked for a better outcome (other than an alive baby of course). I’m over the moon that nothing was found that will affect future pregnancies, and to be quite honest, I’m gagging to start on the testing and get pregnant, but trying very hard to be sensible at the same time. As much as my heart may want that, my brain is taking over and reminding myself that I still need time to heal in so many different ways.

I told the midwives that I would see them all again next year and this time they’ll be delivering a screaming squirmy baby.

I’m very much looking forward to that moment.